April 24, 2019

Converting Google-speak into normal-speak

I’ve been thinking of starting my own ‘Google Translate’ service. Not a language transcription service… but rather a simple way to understand everything Google tells you.

For example (some of these are directly from the Google Ads blog)…

Google says: “You should raise bids on mobile”
Rob says: “Unless you have data to prove otherwise, you should probably lower bids on mobile”

Google says: “We’re enabling a safe digital advertising ecosystem”
Rob says: “We’ll repeatedly disable your ads for no reason”

Google says: “You should optimise ads for clicks”
Rob says: “You should rotate ads indefinitely and optimise for profit”

Google says: “Build a better mobile experience”
Rob says: “Create a fast-loading mobile landing page, you dummy”

Google says: “Disney and Google expand strategic relationship”
Rob says “(Not even gonna comment on that one – breaks translator)”

Google says: “How evolving user patterns drive new ad experiences on YouTube”
Rob says: “We’re gonna change the names of all the YouTube ads formats every seven seconds”

Google says: “An insider’s look at the latest Google Ads innovations”
Rob says: “Watch out! Here’s what we’re about to change in the interface next!”

More translations available on request.

Rob Drummond

Rob Drummond runs the Maze Marketing Podcast and Maze Mastery. Rob specialises in content production, ad creation, storytelling and CRM systems. He has two published books, Magnetic Expertise and Simple Story Selling, affordable on Amazon.

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